A New Passion

Yowza! It's been awhile since I was supposed to deliver a promised post: that of a hockey playoff update. Well. We lost.  And I just didn't feel up to updating about an odd maddening playoff series.

Anyways, that series was the last that I have and will play hockey. That's right: I've officially retired; played my last go-round; made my final save; bought my last bit of goaltending-related gear.

Thus, my 'career' has spanned 17 years starting with the first time a neighborhood kid told me to stand front of shots with a catcher's chest protector, beat-up ice hockey pads, and a softball glove and ending with discounted but good-quality mostly-ice-hockey-worthy goalie gear. In that time I've played cupless (bad idea, but at least it was all ball - pun not intended - instead of puck), on tennis courts, asphalt, waffle sport court, and non-waffle sport court; for crappy teams, very crappy teams, and a few good teams; and I learned the value of never thinking I was okay where I was in terms of how I played my position. I have won 3 league championships and backstopped plenty of mediocre to losing seasons.

So why did I decide to retire? A few reasons, really. Let's take a look:

1) Equipment - goalie equipment, especially puck-worthy equipment, isn't exactly cheap. It's even less cheap when you take into consideration car payments, house payments, college loan payments, utilities, groceries, etc. And my current set was just getting too worn out. I've played in over 100 games with most of my current gear, and some of those pieces (mask, chest protector, pants) saw even more games when I was still playing on asphalt. I knew it was getting to the point where those little nicks, tears, and punctures were going to turn into something major enough to warrant replacement of the whole piece. If I had wanted to keep playing, it would have cost me at least a grand - and that's just to replace half the pieces!

2) Schedule - I'm 31. I'm slowing down. My body doesn't convert the food I eat as quickly as it used to - as evidenced by my gut. My job consists of a lot of sitting down, and finding time and space for deliberate exercise is still too much of an inconvenience. I work full-time. I need to basically take two showers in a row just to wash scrub scrape the stench of playing an hour in old hockey gear. After all that, a schedule that sees games no ealier than 9pm and as late as 11:30pm breaks the camel's back. I'm married, and I'd like to be able to go to bed with my wife, no after her. I'd like to have a good chance of a full-night's rest before work, especially if I just burned hockey-sized energy out of my system.

3) My wife and I are expecting! This one reason has so much more weight than the first two. Not to knock guys who still play during / after their wives have children, but for such an important task, duty, joy as family-raising should be, I didn't feel right having these 2+ hour holes in my schedule that would keep me away from my wife and soon-to-be child. Just as it takes two to create a life, I want to be in the scenario where it takes two to responsibly raise a child. And that also means prep time before the baby comes. For me, that would be helping to get the baby's room in order, getting around to much-needed no-matter-how-big-or-small repairs around the house, pregnancy-related classes for couples, and reading prospective parenting books. All of those require time. And energy. 

So, that's why I retired from hockey. I know I'll miss playing at times. I know that I'll probably daydream making big saves from time to time. But for something like saving money for the important stuff, having more time to devote to my wife, and preparing for and taking on the responsibilities of fatherhood? Hockey just doesn't stand a chance.

Jerking Around the Summer

So the summer session of Jerky Boys has entered playoff mode. That means a nice little summary of how the season wrapped up. I'd tell you about the first playoff game from last night (we won), but since I was planning on an end-of-season recap, I won't discuss playoffs until playoffs are over.

So how'd we wrap up? I didn't get thrown out of any games, despite my last post. We played three games after that post. The first game after, we went against the best team (record-wise) in the league, Pine Riders. They beat us, but only after we took the goal-fest into overtime - they won 11-10 (yikes!) But I got to keep my rage in the cage since they were by far the nicest team this season. Any time I got bumped, there were rounds of apologies, even from guys not involved with the contact.

The following game, we had a second tilt of the season against Hardbodies. I got to have some fun in this one. We lost, but the 2nd period saw some action against their puke-of-the-game, #68. He thought it'd be fun to park his butt on my crease, but what he got was a stick to the back of skates, which caused him to trip into the crease (no penalty). After muttering some not-so-nice-things, he got up and decided to stand in the crease. For that, he got a right-jab to the back along with a few nsfw insults (no penalty). He started to retaliate, but one of my d-men, Lucas, got right in his face, shoving and scrumming it up with #68.

The play went back out to center-rink, before #68 collected the puck and tried to skate through everyone and score, but I stopped him, which didn't mean he stopped being a jagoff. He put his stick in my face, or so it seemed, but the way I made the save had my stick come up and lock his stick into my glove. So when he started to attempt to pull me out of the crease skate away, he didn't get very far, since he wouldn't let go. The puck got loose and batted out of the area, so I let go of my stick so I wouldn't get a penalty for holding his stick (no penalty). He whined about it the whole length of the rink. Honestly, I was surprised the ref didn't give me any penalties for any of those - I wouldn't have faulted the ref had he called a penalty, since I was trying my hardest to get under his skin (success!)

We lost that game, but it had more to do with porous defense than anything #68 did to try to get me off my game (he made a few love-taps at my shoulders).

Last game of the season, we had our second tilt against the Renegades, but the rage stayed caged. No one attempted to crash the net unlike the first tilt (3 crashes, once with my mask coming off). We won that game, which put us up 2-0 against Renegades. It's a shame they got punted from the playoffs in the first round, because going against them would have been a nice treat.

What I learned: in the absence of Spilner (and the presence of his replacement), the defensive chemistry went down. For that matter, I think there were only two games (maybe one) that we had the whole team for, which didn't help, either. I also learned that sometimes I need to take matters into my own hands, a'la the previous post (and it sort of worked against Hardbodies). And while I'm discussing taking things into my own hands, the third thing I learned is that I don't need to be afraid to bring my glove to my right side if it means preventing rebounds and freezing the puck to stop the play. I've been getting burned on low shots after I let up a rebound and the other team scoops it up for an easy goal.

Next post will be the post-playoff wrap-up. Hopefully that won't happen until after August 26th (earliest date of a championship victory), but it won't happen any earlier than August 19th, when round 2 is complete.

What to expect? We play against Pine Riders (nice manners but good enough to play nice). In the other series, hopefully Eternal Underdogs and Hardbodies can bloody themselves against each other to be easy pickings either against us or Pine Riders.

Close Encounters of the Goalie-kind

So I feel like I should clarify my FB post from last night. I posted: "Mark my words. Before the end of this season, if I don't get thrown out pf a game, I will have a double minor." Clearly I was posting from my phone - hence "pf" in place of the obvious "of". But I digress, that's not what I wanted to clarify.

What I want to clarify is that I'm not going to turn dirty (a matter of opinion) or start heckling the refs any chance I get (another matter of opinion). Dating back a few games, there's been a rash of net-crashers on the other team that have frankly gotten away with too much dirt of their own. I've been bowled over, had my mask knocked off my head, and a puck thrown into the goal area (note: area, not the back of the net - this important for later), and dating back to our last playoff game, tripped and injured (technically injured. I bruised.)

Let's go back to that playoff game's incident. The other team started a rush, and one of their wingers was off to the races to try to get a dump-in pass behind our defense. However, our defense interecepted a pass and took the puck back to the other goalie (which eventually led to a goal on that play). In the meantime, Mr. Off-to-the-races (OTTR), kept skating hard and didn't look up until he was practically on top of me. But given his lack of skating ability, he took my feet out from underneath me, and my back landed on one of his skates. I'll tell you now that there is no padding on the back of a goalie's chest protecter - hence the name "chest protector". Goalies aren't supposed to expose their backs to the puck, so it was just deemed an unnecessary waste of materials (and cost) that got cut out sometime back in the, oh I don't know, forever.

No call. Sure, we got a goal, so no penalty would have been served even if it was called, but still. I'm pretty sure when someone gets run into by the opposition and the puck is no where in sight, it should be a penalty. The NHL calls it interference. But at Neville? It's a non-issue. In fact, the refs there obviously hate goalies. I got a nice bruise out of that play. And quite a sore back for a few days. That team (luckily for OTTR) isn't in our league this session, but if they were, I would have already gotten tossed from a game.

Next incident(s) of notice: a few weeks back we played a team called the Renegades. There's a d-bag on that team who apparently thinks the term "crash the net" is literal, because he ran into me 3 times during the game. No calls. It would have been interesting to see if they would have allowed a goal during one of those times that I was knocked over and tangled up. After one of those incidents, one of my d-men, Lucas, gave him a "friendly" shove off the faceoff.

Third incident: this is more of a failing of my d-men to cut off this guy (although were were short a few players), but a team called FDS has this hillbilly-looking guy who was fast and liked to cut across in front of the net in an effort to get me to commit on the near side while he continued to carry the puck to the far side for an empty-net. He was doing a good job of it, too. So I figured that I needed to pokecheck with a bit more aggression (innocent translation: quicker; not-so-innocent translation: take his feet out). The next time he got a breakaway, he started it off the same way. I went down to let him think he could do the same thing again and whipped my stick around, uh, toward the puck... but he shot high on the near side! Goal! But he was still skating, and my stick was still whipping. When I felt his skate touch the stick - YANK! He went flying and rolled a few feet. He had the goal, so I didn't have time to enjoy him lying on the ground. The next time he skated by (the next shift and without the puck), I gave him a nice hard tap to the side of his skate to let him know I knew he was there. He didn't like it. I played innocent to his grumblings. He really didn't like it. But he didn't retaliate, since his team was winning already.

Fourth incident: last night, against a rival (but who's not a rival in an 8-team league?), my opponent (a Mr. Goehring, if he's wearing the correct jersey) had a breakaway opportunity. I stopped it with a nifty little pad stack. The puck went up in the air, where he grabbed the puck (allowed), carried it 3 feet toward the middle of the net (shouldn't be allowed), threw it forward so that it landed in the crease (really shouldn't be allowed), and then tapped it in the open net with his stick (allowed, but not after what he just did... in my opinion). He instantly started yapping at the ref, so I had assumed it was waved off. It wasn't until a few minutes later that I learned they had awarded him the goal. I was steamed I didn't look. If I had looked, I would have been in the ref's face, and he would not have been hearing compliments about his ability to call plays or his looks.  And then Goehring would have heard a few insults his way, too.

So.

I've had it. I told myself after that last playoff game that I was going to stop be Mr. Nice Guy. As a spectator, unless it's the NHL it's always a little embarrassing when a goalie starts a scrum, but I've learned the hard way that the league at Neville simply doesn't care about my safety or fair play. So I'm going to abandon fair play in the name of my own safety. If the refs give me a penalty, I'll give him a reason to give me two. And players crashing the net? They're going to come away bruised. I have a stick like they do, and their ankles won't be the only target. Screeners will start getting "friendly" taps between the legs and "friendly" pushes in their backs.

It's time for the opponent to pay the fee.

Thus, my FB post has been clarified. I'm sure I'll look back on this post later and think "Geez, what an idiot I was", but that's okay.

One to Know One (and One on One)

Hockey post!

First - some numbers:

4th place (4-way tie at 2-2)
5.5 gaa for yours truly
Goals in the 3rd period: 2 for vs. 10 against
Goals in the first two periods: 22 for vs. 12 against

Gee wiz, those 3rd periods are absolute game killers! Last night I finally blanked them in the 3rd, which would make it 1 vs. 9 in three games when they score in the 3rd. And it was against Eternal Underdogs, a team that we have always (that I can remember) struggled against. Funny that team with such a name would make us underdogs in every game against them... Anyway, that combined with it being our best showing of the season gives me some hope that we'll start playing very well, which would get us up in the standings and hopefully carry into the playoffs.

My goaltending has been getting better with each game. Still, I should have kept 2 of the 3 goals from going in last night. The first goal: one on one after a defensive blunder - I committed too early, hoping to poke check the puck off his stick, but he was far enough away that he could drag it out of reach and then have an easy open-netter. Second goal: powerplay for them - open man in front gets the puck from a passer behind the net - I follow the puck with my head and see the goal before the puck even reaches the shooter. However, if I would have went down for a kicksave (visualize a stationary feet-first slide into second base that ends with a padstack). Sure, he could have put the puck up high, making all that sweat-inducing effort worthless, but when the shooter is just going to shoot the pass (aka, one-timer), the puck usually goes low, so I wasn't as useless as I looked. Just lazy as I looked.

The third goal? Bounced off my mask from a backhanded rising shot. I could've sworn my fat head deflected the puck up into the netting behind the goal (and swear I did), but even my own teammates confirmed the puck went in the net and not above it.

So, we're on pace for a 5-5 season with a 6 goal differential in our favor.

I'll post updates after every few games, so we'll see how accurate that pace is once all is said and done.

Et cetera details:

Watched The Expendables this past weekend - my wife got bored with it early - the action scenes were too choppy to be truly enjoable, but anytime you have a bunch of action stars wailing on each other in glorious fashion with everything from fists to missiles (seriously!) and unlimited ammo, there is a bit of guilty entertainment to be had.

Jill and I whipped up some good food from canned and jarred goods just laying around our pantry - spicy too! Currently chowing down a black bean soup completed with diced tomatoes, corn, green peppers, and chipotle peppers! I'm sure there are probably red pepper flakes in there somewhere, but with the chipotle, who can tell? Goes great with tortilla chips, taco cheese, and - according to Jill - sour cream. I didn't want to cool off the soup with the sour cream. But beware - about two hours after eating, Jupiter has a rival for who has the most gas.

And on that note, I'm out.

Learn How To Make A Kick-Save Meatface!

Summer hockey has started: in other words, sweat-your-arse-off hockey has started. There's nothing the says summer hockey like that suffocating feeling of drowning in your body heat after a game. And then you just keep sweating straight through the next several hours if you don't have the A/C cranked to higher than high. Even after stepping out of the A/C, the sweat keeps sweating. That does nothing but misery for those late games, because I hate going to bed already sweating. My pillow doesn't need that kind of treatment, to say nothing about my poor wife.

I'll stop that topic before it gets uncomfortable for all. In the meantime, we're 1-1. Won a game we should have lost (let up 5 goals in the 3rd after letting up 3 in the first two periods - yikes!), and lost a game that I guess we should have lost (even if the ref did give them a goal just for kicks), just because we didn't get the goals, but the defensive sieve was taken care of, and I was more on top my game. Never played a game where the other team kept congratulating me on my saves. Weird. I like it better when they start cussing up a storm and banging their sticks against the boards. Opponents having tantrums are fun.

On the plus side, my goals against is better after two games than last season! Down from 8.5 to 6.5, which is still hideously and grotesquely awful, but I'll take the little things at this point.

New soundtrack. I decided to stop being OCD about filling out all 80 minutes of available CD space and just put on what I wanted. No more girly music. No more pop sensations. Just the stuff that gets my psyched to play my tuchis off. Here it is:

1) Action - Powerman 5000
2) Fuel - Metallica
3) Indestructible - Disturbed
4) Shoot to Thrill - AC/DC
5) Won't Back Down (Bring You Hell Remix) - Fuel
6) Blow Me Away - Breaking Benjamin ft. Valora
7) Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO
8) Bangarang - Skrillex
9) Doomsday - Nero
10) Fever - Bullet for My Valentine
11) My Best Theory - Jimmy Eat World
12) The Sound (John M. Perkins' Blues) - Switchfoot
13) Guilty By Design - Rev Theory
14) Dead Living - Sugarcult

I've labelled the new soundtrack "Lean Mean Save Machine" with the slogan: learn how to make a kick-save, Meatface!

Inspired by this, of course:

You're welcome, Tim.

Jerking Around the Playoffs: Aftermath

That was short-lived. Lost an excruciating game to Mario's. Started off 3-0 at the end of the first. Hanging on 4-2 at the end of the second. Going home 5-4 at the end of the third. Talk about hard knocks.

No doubt you're wondering what the excuses are. Or maybe you really aren't, but you're going to get them anyway. But let's not call them excuses. Let's call them a goaltender's analysis.

First period analysis:
We came out strong defensively, picking up loose pucks and carrying them down the other end, picking up 3 goals in the process. We had a few offensive setups to wear out their defense and goalie. They also had a few offensive setups and even some rushes, but either our D got it done or I kept my focus on the puck to make the stop. We also picked up a few powerplays (converted on one, I think) and picked up one penalty. Keep this in mind for later.

Second period analysis:
Mario's come out much the same as the first period: sitting back and playing it safe. We dominate the first half in terms of positioning and chances but only convert one good opportunity, but not before they get their first goal against us off a weird bounce. One of the players, #7, keeps buzzing my area in an attempt to be a constant screen. The shot hit him in the shoulder or chest and somehow landed in the net. Must have flipped over us all. No biggie - just a lucky bounce for them, not indicative of us playing bad. But before the end of the second period, Mario's steps up the pressure and succeed in keeping us on our heels, giving us few chances for offensive breakouts. A few seconds before the period ends, they get another goal that is too similar to their first goal for me to be happy about it.

A few penalties were called, but no goals came off them for either team. But the refs were letting obvious calls go, including one where the opposing #21 rushed my net so far ahead of the play that when he fell and knocked me over, the puck was still in the middle of the rink. Since he came in on my blind side, I never saw him coming. So when I fell, I had no way of protecting myself and my back landed right on his skate. Chest protectors are named as such for a reason - they don't protect the back. That's because a goalie worth his salt doesn't expose his back to the play. The jagoff asks if I'm okay as I'm getting up, and I say "No, I'm not all right." He keeps skating off like the idiot he is. The ref never bothered to ask or even call a penalty. Not that the penalty matters, because that's when we got our goal. But they never call interference when goalies get run over or tripped, and I'm pretty sure what happened to me was just that. The puck was no where around when he ran into me, so I'd like at least a penalty for the sake of principle.

Third period analysis:
Mario's comes out firing on all cylinders and we just can't take back the momentum. Our offensive opportunities happen on the rush, not the setup. Theirs happen on the setup with a few rushes. Refs seem to think everything we do is a penalty, so Mario's gets 2 powerplay goals. Both powerplay goals were partly my fault, because I was too deep in the net from going side to side too much, and then I wasn't able to end up perfectly square to the puck. Kudos to them for not giving me the time or space to be ready. The other goal was a wrap-around that I really had time to stretch to the other side, but I was tired. A stupid excuse, really. That was the goal that tied it up - the second powerplay goal was the final goal.

I hate to say that the game hinged on the officiating, but this one really seemed to. Ignoring several obvious calls as the game went on while calling us a few questionable calls - Mario's is a team that really knows how to dive - certainly sunk us, especially in the third. We picked up at least three maybe four penalties. One was because their guy just decided to stop when he knew our guy was on his back, so the refs called our guy for roughing, which was a similar penalty against us during the first period. The refs just came across as lazy. Not really watching the game but just sort of reacting to the falling bodies if the bodies were wearing yellow. I should tell you our team doesn't wear yellow.

So I was pretty angry last night, upset that the refs managed to be so inconsistent combined with the blatant knock over #21 put on me last night. My anger has subsided, but I'm still upset, thanks to the nice and lovely bruise my back is wearing. Luckily my ribs did their job and prevented anything serious from happening. But I know that the next time we play these guys, the next time the refs decide I can be knocked over for kicks and giggles, I'm pretty sure I'll be receiving the first penalty as a goalie. And I'm pretty sure that I won't be remorseful over it.

But now it's time for a recharge, and hopefully we'll come out of the gate on fire and unstoppable. Until then, I'll be rooting for Mystery PA to knock off our rivals with extreme prejudice.

Jerking Around the Playoffs

So it's playoff time for the Jerky Boys for the first time since the last time. Almost Spaceball-esque, that statement. But it's notable this time around, because the last time we finally won. Not just a playoff game (which is true and was very exciting on its own merit) but the whole shebang. We had our cake and ate it, too. It was all very exciting and very very close hockey. We started off by dispatching a perpetual rival in Raabe Landscaping. We then followed up with a 2-game dispatching of the second best team, A-Team. The finals was the best though. Not only did we play the team, Mario's, that was our near doppleganger, we beat them while playing our best and while they played their best. Our best obviously was better that time.

But that's then - this is now. This past season saw us start off with a 5-game losing streak. Not fun. My play was way below the end of the last playoffs, our roster was spotty with who was playing or missing games, causing the players who were there to play positions they weren't as strong at or doing double-duty, wearing them out as the game went on.

Game 6 saw a turnaround in fortunes - we got onto a 4-game winning streak, which included taking the top team, Mystery PA, to a shoot-out victory. We weren't able to pull off a 5-game winning streak to draw even on the season against Mario's, but given that we were missing 5 of our regular players due to vacations and two of our substitute players were kicked out of the game (why not all three substitute players? I will never understand referees), it could have been a lot worse.

It could have been a thoroughly demoralizing game with a very lopsided score as opposed to 3-1. And two of those goals took place at the end of the game, after we lost the two subs. After keeping neck-and-neck through 5/6th of the game and stopping all 3 breakaways, it was actually a good loss, if there's such a thing. At the very least, it was a strong game for myself, and I may be biased, but a goalie playing well going into the playoffs is a very good thing indeed! It's what a team wants, when the poor guy needs to be out on the rink the whole time, getting no breaks.

So what does this all mean for the upcoming playoffs? Well, the last game is definitely useful, since we'll be playing the same team in the playoffs. The fact that we'll have most if not all of our team on hand is encouraging. Three of our absent d-men should be there, which means Mario's should have a more difficult time getting breakaways and setting up for extended shooting sessions. But then Mario's will probably remember that we stood between them and the championship last session, just barely eking them out with a 2-1 score, and now we stand there again. They may feel they need to prove something. And then maybe not. Either way, they'll be a good first round for us. If we beat them, then it means we're ready to go toe-to-toe with the better teams that we'll likely go against in deeper in the playoff run. That means going against Eternal Underdogs, a team we've had no success against during this season or last season, even though we've come within one goal of beating them. They fell apart last playoffs, so maybe it'll happen again? It's a silly thing to ask, coming from a team that wouldn't mind being back-to-back champions.

But first things first. Mario's must go down. Again.