I'm going to interupt my current theme of L5R (not that it was going anywhere, having been last touched upon a whole week ago...) and bring to you, my avid (or not so) readers, the only thoughts you need to have about bumper stickers. My thoughts.
Obviously, I saw one recently that has put a bee in my bonnet (if I wore bonnets, anyway). But I've seen a few over the last year that I think are worth mentioning to convince you that the vast majority of bumper stickers are better left unprinted, much less posted on your car's ass for all to witness your stupidity.
Let me clarify what I mean by the term 'bumper sticker'. I'm not talking about sport team logos or those silly elliptical acronymed vacation spot stickers such as 'OC' or 'OBX' or 'CRU' (that last one is for you local folks! Enjoy!) I am referring to those stickers that are trying to make a point that you would normally just say with your mouth or write in a blog or, better yet, an editorial in a newspaper. What? You're not sure what that is? I know, I know, newspapers are a rarer commodity than they used to be, but I digress. I shall present for you some evidence! Behold!
1) Don't Re-elect Anyone - this first example is actually, in my mind, sort of a proper use of bumper stickers - to put forth an idea that most people never think about. This sticker actually got me laughing when I saw it. It was a refreshing change from the political campaign bumper stickers or obvious ripping on the poltical party that you happen to be opposite of (have you noticed that no parties use bumper stickers explaining their positions, just ripping down the oppponent? No wonder both parties are so low...). For once, a truly bi-partisan message designed to get the average American shmuck to think about why and how they vote. I actually hope it gets people thinking about how all those congressional pet projects tend to come from congressman who are up for re-election... hmmmmm.
2) If You Have A Problem With My Flag, Call 1-800-leave-america - ooooh, so witty! How long did it take you to think of that one? A minute? An hour? No, that's giving you too much credit - it's actually a waste of time to think about how long you thought about it, isn't it. Especially when you, douchepacker, are driving a Korean vehicle. If you're going to be so damned single-mindedly patriotic, maybe you should back up your message with the context and buy the typical American automobile to back up your typical angry defensiveness. I'm not bashing the American flag - just you're inability to think about why you're offensively defensive.
3) This next bumper sticker has no words but a pictogram of a gas pump turning it's hose into a noose. On the back of a Ford Expedition. If you're not sure what one of those looks like, let me help with this link to Ford's information about the Expedition. It proudly spends 28-33.5 gallons (depending on the model) of 14 mpg efficiency. Hmmm... let's do the math. That's between 400 and 470 miles in an average tank. Let's take a smaller vehicle, and to be fair a smaller American vehicle (the Cobalt) and what does it get off of 28-33.5 gallons? We'll assume the a realistic 26 mpg as opposed to the bloated EPA estimate of 35 and it still gets between 750 and 870 miles out of the same amount of gallons. Oh, that 14 mpg? That's an EPA estimate. Do that math again, and the Expidtion is actually closer to 10 mpg for the average shmuck. I think the bumper sticker is a cry for help, actually...
4) Jesusa; my faith, my country - just saw this one not an hour ago. It was surrounded with gun-nut stickers such as Gun Control Is Using Both Hands and Insured By Smith & Wesson and etc. It doesn't help he was going 5 under the speed limit on a 2-mile straight. Of course, that's probably the only way anyone knows what he thinks, since he probably offends everyone in a 50 foot radius when he opens his mouth and causes USPS stock to drop in whole percentages when he writes mail. Firstly, the gun-nut stuff. Dude. You live in Beaver County, full of suburban rednecks and hunting grounds. Of course you're against gun control! Only an out-of-stater would assume you hate guns before witnessing your plethora of multi-colored stickers. As for the Jesusa sticker. I have no problem if you want to claim your support for your faith and your country - the first amendment guarantees that right to claim support for whatever you wish and to not be oppressed because of it. But to blend the words Jesus and USA together is just absolutely, ridiculously, and nonsensically hypocratical!
I'll come out and say it clearly so that there is no confusion at all. I am a Christian. I know what I believe and why I believe it and I am able to defend it while knowing that not everyone I talk to about it will believe or understand me. That's to be expected, even if I don't have to like it. So. When someone claims to be a Christian and then distorts what that means, it's hypocratical. Jesus has nothing to do with being American or being patriotic to any particular nation that exists. Jesus' messages and actions were actually intended for everyone who hears of them to benefit from them. Not just Americans. I'll go another step further and say that Jesus supports no political party, especially not the shambling congressional mess that the Republicans and Democrats are. He does not throw his weight behind any one country or another for their virtues or failures. Sure, some countries in general may be more pleasing to Him than another, but that does not affect what He will do. So if you're going to be making religious claims, fine. But keep them tied to religion. If you want to explain how your religion affects your patriotism, by all means do so. Don't hyphenate your dubious allegiance with a five-word phrase that will never do you, or anyone else for that matter, any good. You've all the makings of a disaster - the ignorance to not explain what needs to be explained while reinforcing known prejudices.
So what does all that mean about bumper stickers? If it doesn't say what you want it to say, don't use it. If it's simply beating a dead horse, don't use it. If you're just using it as a form of defensive one upmanship, don't use it. Instead, learn how to constructively express yourself in social settings that may benefit someone as opposed to alienate.
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